Marriage is hard. That may seem like an obvious statement, but I believe the struggles in marriage are not discussed as much as the joys in marriage.

First of all, how in the world do two individuals become one? That is a statement that outside the realms of physical intimacy can be confusing. This is what I’ve learned:

1. Two people have decided to form a covenant before God and witnesses to say they will be together for the rest of their lives. “Til death do us part.”
2. Together with God’s blessing and grace, the husband and wife form a team, and work together to follow the path God created for them: a separate path with different goals from their single years.
3. Men and women have different ways of thinking and different ways of loving. Men and women are DIFFERENT! What one may think is loving the other, the other may truly appreciate it, but may not classify it as love. So it is vital to the health of any marriage for the couple to sit down, learn how the other person feels loved, and for each individual to put that into practice.
4. It is easy to be selfish. I know I’ve been selfish many times. It is easy to focus on what would (in theory) make you happy, and work toward achieving it. But the goal in any marriage should be to serve one another…and not because you have to, but because you want to…which is definitely easier said than done sometimes.
5. Communicate!! I have never been a great communicator. Sure, I talk, but that doesn’t mean that I communicate. It’s not easy to hash out misunderstandings, or deal with issues that are sensitive topics for one or both of you. However, the more you are willing to be vulnerable and share how you truly feel about the issue with your husband/wife, the closer you will feel to each other. It can be exhausting, but it is totally worth it! 🙂 There have been times where my marriage has been heading towards disaster because we weren’t dealing with things, but when we took the time to work through it as the team we were created to be, it created a beautiful moment, though difficult in the beginning, it not only brought us deeper in our relationship, it strengthened our love and all other aspects of our relationship.
6. You never stop learning or growing on your marriage journey. Life can be a roller coaster ride of highs and lows, but as long as you face whatever comes your way with a united front, and not let it tear you apart, you will be stronger for it.
7. Lastly, but most importantly, make your relationship with God your highest priority. As a couple, you may think your relationship with your spouse is most important, and it is NOT a relationship to neglect, but if you’re not right with God, how can you expect to be right with your other half? Now I know from personal experience this is definitely NOT easy. When life gets busy, my Bible reading is typically the first thing to go. 😦 But with persistence and grace for myself, it is rewarding to make time to spend with God.

Please understand, I do NOT have it all together, and this list is not a recipe for success and happiness, nor is it intended to make you feel guilty if you struggle with anything that I’ve mentioned above. I struggle with these things often, and while I might know what I need to do, consistently putting it into practice is a process. And in the last year, I have come to learn how having children, which my son is truly a joy (most of the time anyway! lol), complicates things even further. But God is not done with me yet, and I am forever grateful for grace. Keep keeping on!! God is holding you in His ever capable hands.

With love,
Beth

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV